AIRPLANE 2007, THE SEQUEL: WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

Perhaps you've read or seen some of the news stories about a female airline passenger attacking Clay Aiken. The stories coming out are slightly skewed since the writer of the article at Tulsa World online removed a complete paragraph 2 hours after posting the original. Here's what REALLY happened!

According to Clay and eyewitnesses who were on their way from the Houston to Tulsa leg of the concert tour:

Clay sat behind a lady with an insatiable foot fetish. Realizing that HRH (His Rumpled Humpiness) was in close proximity she started to hyperventilate. Both her maladies were heightened when HRH, sitting with one leg crossed, accidentally plopped the toe of his size 13 shoe onto the back of her arm rest while he was asleep. Seizing the opportunity, Foot Lady tried to arouse Mr. Sexy Beast by playing with his toes after she knocked them out of his shoe.

At one point the flight attendant walking by thought the Foot Lady was looking for something as she was kneeling on the floor facing her seat. One of the eyewitnesses who was sitting across the aisle from Clay noticed Foot Lady was leaning as far as she could to lick something from the back of the armrest. Nobody really had an inkling at the time of what was happening but it became very apparent when Foot Lady was finally able to rouse Aiken (not arouse him) enough to pull his visor up though he was still not quite awake.

After Mr. Aiken removed his visor Foot Lady was seen salivating at the sight of "Bedhead Clay" and could no longer hold back; she climbed over her seat and sat on Clay's lap facing him. Finally! Foot Lady was able to awaken the gorgeous sleeping giant with a little rocking motion then slapping him three or four times yelling, "Say my name, Bitch!"

But wait, there's more! The Flight Attendant and other eyewitnesses managed to pull the frenzied Foot Lady off Clay and contain her until they landed in Tulsa. Both Clay and Foot Lady gave their accounts to the FBI as did the eyewitnesses. One of the witnesses who needed to hit the water fountain happened to see some male FBI agents escorting Foot Lady off the premises while their female counterparts were cursing a blue streak behind a cubicle. Seems that Aiken was the victim of this attack and no matter how vehemently the lady agents insisted that a search for Clay's famous WEAPONS OF MASS SEDUCTION was in order, their superior said, "NO!"

WAIT! Theres More! According to Agent Johnston, Foot Lady was carted off to the local FBI Field Office where she was held for further questioning. She admitted that she was a plant and part of the plot known as "Blow Dandelions Out Your Ass" which was cooked up by Kelly Clarkson and her married, middle aged long time lover, Rick of Gretna, LA. The purpose of the plot is to cause minor disturbances for Mr. Aiken in hopes that they can sway what the unethical journalists publish. Guess Foot Lady was no match for one sexy Clay Aiken and in her weakness she spilled the beans.