"Everyday is a Winding Road"

My name is Sherry and these are my feelings; I own them!

It's been a while since I blogged but I chalk that up to being extremely busy in my work and in my real life for many months, not to the many twists and turns on the track under the Claytrain.

Let's get this straight first: "Oh Crap" is Sherry and nobody else and especially not one of the most innocent of fans who bore the brunt of accusations for being the mouth behind the keyboard.

Continuing forward: I have a lot to say and so little time. Over the years I have heard many Clay Aiken fans say that it's never easy being a Clay fan but, personally, I think it really is. This man possesses an incomparable talent, many talents actually. He's a natural comedian, he can act and he is a singer extraordinaire. The voice and the smile captured my heart years ago at the onset of AI-2 and the Clay love exploded from there in baby steps. There was the gleam in that sea of green eyes which expressed his absolute joy in singing, then a glimpse into a soul who was so accepting of everyone in spite of the painful rejections he experienced throughout his short lifetime.

So what else has exposure to Clay Aiken done for me personally? What have I learned from his goodness? Refer back to "so much to say and so little time". Acceptance of those who are, in some way, different from me or mine? Never a problem for me! TOLERANCE has always been my biggest issue especially when it involves the kind of pathological cruelty I've witnessed the last 2+ years. I lack tolerance for cruelty and I own that.

So, Self, what underlying issues are you getting at? Let's start with the subject of .... ta daaaa.... Gay Folk. Did I ever have an issue with that prior to the attack on Clay Aiken? I answer with a bonifide, "HELL NO!" The friends I have who happen to be Gay have only EVER shown me their zest for life, their flare for beauty and their desire to love and be loved in return. A former boss and good friend is Gay and, like Clay, he is gorgeous right down to the caps on his teeth. Being my boss and my friend, I met many other "Gay Folk"... like the couple who bought a house via the old FHA 203K whereby you buy a relic in a target neighborhood and fix it up. As this couple were getting ready to have the final escrow money released to do the finishing touches before moving in they brought in photos of the before and after of this immense Victorian house. These men created something so beautiful that I teared up and then I realized that there was so much beauty in themselves that they brought their personal canvas to life.

I didn't know, until recently, that there could be such an ugly side. I didn't know that there are people who would go out of their way to promote division and hatred, not only toward themselves but toward the entire Gay Community. Why is that? Is it residual hatred for oneself? I was falling victim to that division thinking I would never again be able to trust a Gay friend, never again be able to "TOLERATE" them because of the cruelty I'd seen, never again be able to expect the truth from them because of the lies being told about the fandom. We're not all "right wing", we're not all fanatical Christians who see things as our way and the wrong way. The Clay Nation is a mixture of right, left, gay, straight, multiple religious beliefs and those who aren't religious in any way. Those in the fandom who have no religion believe in the system of "Do No Harm" which is as honorable as those of us who TRY to turn the other cheek. The bond for this melting pot of beliefs has always been Clay Aiken.

Okay, so where and what is the conclusion to this diatribe? Here goes! I've had many months to think about it but until the last couple of days I haven't concentrated on it. I have a new granddaughter diagnosed with the genetic disorder called Cornelia de Lange Syndrome. She's cute as a button and only shows the characteristic of the unibrow which can easily be plucked when she gets older. This is a new strain all her own and, luckily, not as severe. This syndrome is not something that is inherited; it's a mutation of a gene during the gestation period. Neither I nor my son have ever asked, "Why me? Why us? Why Sophia Isabella?" We just love her and that's all that's required. If my son ever asks me why this happened to him or why his daughter my answer would be this: I have always taught you how important it is to be color blind, to see uniqueness not differences. Who better to be blessed and entrusted with the well being of a little one who needs a little extra than the most gentle giant of a man that you are. God or fate chose the right father. He could only be YOU.

So, in conclusion, how is this relative to Clay Aiken? There was a brief moment where I asked God and friends at Chexxxy's Place (I'm not an openly, overzealous religious being but everyone needs a kick from above now and then) for a sign, some sort of proof, some inkling of hope that would take away the animosity and restore my faith in those who are Gay. Clay Aiken was the answer God gave me. Like my son, who better?